


Wintershock Firsts Challenge

by G_the_G



Series: Tumblr Dry on Low [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Darcy Lewis Is a Good Bro, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Sam Wilson is a Gift, Team Sassy Science, Tony Is Not Helping, Up all night to get Bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 00:30:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5070931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/G_the_G/pseuds/G_the_G
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My contributions from the Wintershock Firsts challenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't Look at the Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 1- First Meeting

Darcy sat reading on the couch in the common area when she heard a chirping and let out a horrified scream. 

She continued to scream when she noticed a foot-long demonic metal creature looking at her from a few feet away and chucked her book at it.

She continued to scream as she vaulted over the back of the couch. 

She only stopped screaming when she heard two heavy treads running her way and latched onto the back of the first rescuer to pass in front of her. All she could tell was that they were tall enough and wide enough that she should be safe from her nightmare as she clutched onto her savior’s shirt with her face between their shoulder blades.

“Uh, Darcy? You okay?”

She lifted her face from Rescuer Number 1’s back to glare at Steve who was apparently Rescuer Number 2. He had his hands on his hips and kept looking between Darcy and the hellspawn.

“Do I look like I’m okay?”

He huffed out a laugh.

“No,” Steve paused as he pointed at the metal monstrosity, “ but it’s only a robotic….grasshopper?”

“No, no it’s not. It’s hellfire and damnation. It’s all that is wrong and unholy. It’s the freaking  spawn of Tony and the reason that man must suffer.”

Darcy didn’t think he understood the gravity or the danger of the situation.

“Why is Stark making robot grasshoppers?”

He definitely didn’t get it. Fool.

“I can’t explain with it still there lusting for my blood.”

Steve looked at her dubiously.

“Just get rid of it.”

The vile thing started making real grasshopper noises again and Darcy burrowed closer to the back of Rescuer Number 1, not willing to see if the thing was making the noise itself or Tony had just recorded it to terrify her. That’s when she noticed that whoever she held onto smelled delicious, was probably a man based on the size of him, and was shaking–with laughter.

“Hey, no laughing at me. I was scarred by A Bug’s Life as a child.”

Whoever it was began to turn and Darcy shifted with a yelp, making sure to keep him between her and the evil insect at all times.

He set his hands on her shoulders and spoke over her head.

“Steve, you warned me things might be intense here, but I didn’t think I’d be required to rescue damsels from maniacal bugs on my first day.”

Darcy finally looked up at Rescuer Number 1’s face and felt like she’d stumbled into the Twilight Zone. She’d gone from her worst nightmare to what her teenage self would have seen as heaven. It was one James Buchanan Barnes that she was still latched onto.

“Holy shit, you’re James Buchanan Barnes.”

“Bucky,” he corrected with a mocking grin. “At your service, ma’am.”

The robot horror began chirping again and she whimpered.

Bucky chuckled. Some romantic hero he made. Her sixteen-year-old self would be extremely disappointed.

“Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up fuzzball. Just get rid of that thing.”

She shoved him in the direction of the satanspawn, which maybe wasn’t the best idea since the guy was a former brainwashed assassin and probably didn’t react well to violence; but times of distress and all that. In his favor, he just tipped an imaginary hat at her while still laughing and turned to help Steve take care of their malignant infestation.

Darcy booked it out of the room without another glance. Okay, maybe she spared one to check out the back side of one James Buchanan Barnes, but it was just to verify the historical opinions.

It was for the greater good. Truly.


	2. Sweet as Candy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 2- First time introducing each other as boyfriend/girlfriend

Darcy and Bucky were on the first real date they’d been able to finagle since they’d gotten together and she took a moment to appreciate their success. He was always off on missions and her time was always being commandeered in the name of Science!, so it had taken ridiculously long to get to this point. It was also ridiculous that it seemed necessary to leave the tower so as not to have other Avengers crash their party. Tony as a third wheel was surprisingly not that bad; Clint, on the other hand, was terrible. 

So of course, with her luck, they run into one of her old classmates from Culver, in the middle of SoHo, at nine o’clock on a Wednesday evening, three years after she’d seen anyone from school. But eye contact had been made and the encounter was unavoidable.

Damn.

She was ready to curse whoever had it in for her to eternal bad wifi and undercooked noodles.

“Daniel, hi! So great to see you!”

They exchanged a perfunctory hug.

“Darcy, what’re you doing here?”

“Oh, I live in New York now.”

“Get out of town.”

She shrugged her shoulders.

“Crazy, I know right.”

She caught Daniel’s attention shift to the side and was once again reminded that she was terrible at introducing people.

“Oh, this is,” she sent Bucky a quick look and then looked back to her friend, “my man candy, also known as Bucky. Bucky, this is Daniel; we used to have a terrible lit class together.”

Daniel chuckled and shook his head.

“Now, now, it wasn’t that bad. You just got mad that Dr. Elliot always called you Lewis & Clark.” He turned to Bucky and held out a hand. “But it’s good to see Darcy’s moved up in the world with you, Sacagawea.”

Just then Daniel’s phone started ringing and he covered his pocket with his hand and grimaced.

“That’s my sister, I’m visiting her and she seems to think it’s a good excuse to send me out to run errands. I better get going. It was great running into you, though. And a pleasure to meet you Bucky!”

He and Darcy exchanged fake promises of keeping in touch on facebook and then he hustled off in the other direction. She let out a sigh of relief that the awkwardness was over.

Bucky turned and a raised brow.

“Man candy? Really?”

Premature relief.

She twisted her mouth to the side and looked up at him.

“What? It’s not like we’ve officially had the talk or anything yet. I panicked.”

Darcy moved to start heading down the sidewalk again but Bucky caught her arm and turned her around to face him.

“Do we need to have the talk? Because we can have the talk.” He gave her a mischievous grin. “Right here even; you know, in public, for everyone to see you make it awkward so I can finally have witnesses to your antics.”

She rolled her eyes but also stepped closer to grab one of his hands and rest the other on his chest.

“No. I know what we are. You know what we are. We’re good.” She tapped his chest for emphasis and he gave her a sincere smile, the one that made her a little mushy inside, and pulled her in for a hug. She gave his ribs a long squeeze and breathed in his heinously good scent before pulling back to resume their stroll, her arm linked in his. “It’s just, you know me and clutch decisions; we don’t always get along well.”

“Don’t remind me. I’m still not sure how we made it through all that Chinese food.”

He was of course referring to a few weeks before when she’d ordered almost every entree on the take-out menu because she couldn’t decide. He’d threatened to call it the Beijing Express 2 Debacle of 2015, but that was stupid. Dude had the crazy super-soldier metabolism and it wasn’t like Steve and the egg roll fiend known as Sam didn’t regularly show up to eat their food anyway.

Darcy rolled her eyes.

“Whatever.” She poked him in the side with her free hand. “But back to the original topic, boyfriend just sounds weird when you’re older than my grandparents. Plus, people tend to give you weird looks when you say ‘lover’ or something like that.”

He chuckled and glanced down at her.

“And man candy was your only other option?”

“Should I have gone with boy toy?”

He flexed his arm under her hand and gave her a smirk.

“Only if you start letting me call you kitten in public.”

“Not on your life, Mr. Draper. Not on your life.” 

 


	3. Are You Thinking What I'm Thinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 3- First gift/present

“Merry Christmas,” Darcy said as she plopped next to Bucky on the couch and held a plate out to him in both hands.

He lowered his book and glanced at the plate and then back to her.

“It’s not Christmas.”

“Fine, Happy Kwanzaa.” She held the plate closer to him. “Take it.”

She tilted the plate slightly from side to side and Bucky examined it more closely before looking at her again.

“It’s a sandwich.”

She gasped dramatically.

“Do not blaspheme the sacredness that is my pesto and turkey grilled cheese masterpiece!”

He snorted.

“Dubious holy status of the sandwich aside, why are you giving me a sandwich as a present?”

She lowered the plate and tried to look innocent.

“Do I need a reason?”

“With your obsessive attitude towards food, yes.”

Darcy harrumphed and set the plate down on the coffee table.

“Fine. Be all suspicious, Mr. Ungrateful.”

She slouched back onto the cushions and glared at him.

He didn’t move; merely kept waiting for an answer.

After a mere thirty seconds she sighed and sat up again, resting a hand on his knee.

“So, you know how you said teaming up with Barton on that last prank against Tony wasn’t a good idea?”

“I believe my exact words were ‘it’s going to bite you in the ass’, but yes.”

She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at him.

“Well, it did.”

He chuckled but didn’t offer any response. She swore he loved using interrogation techniques on her and forcing her to explain everything (thereby possibly incriminating herself) when he already knew all the details was his absolute favorite.

“So, I kind of need your help.”

He leaned back and gestured to the plate on the table.

“And was this sandwich supposed to encourage my help?”

“It wouldn’t encourage,” she squeezed his knee, “it would ensure. My sandwiches are the bomb.”

“That means it’s a bribe, not a present.”

“Nuances.”

He rolled his eyes but sat forward and grabbed the ulteriorly-motivated sandwich.

Success.


	4. Blood Is So Not Thicker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 4- First time meeting parents/family

Growing up in a family whose teasing was sometimes brutal and unrestrained programmed embarrassment right out of Darcy and she usually owned her awkwardness. But she wasn’t prepared for her trip home for Thanksgiving that particular year; the first official meeting of her now-significant-other Bucky and her family.

 She wasn’t prepared for her sister Francie.

As soon as she and Bucky walked in the front door, Francie was there, at the foot of the stairs, bouncing excitedly on the balls of her feet.

“It’s about time!”

“Dude, chill, we’re only a half-hour later than expected.”

Darcy proceeded to set down her luggage and begin the process of pulling off her coat. Francie was never known for her patience either and came forward, hand raised.

“Okay, so my sister has always failed at introductions, so I’m Francie, short for Frances, our parents had a very unfortunate fascination with odd Jane Austen names.”

Bucky dutifully stepped forward and took Francie’s offered hand.

“If I remember correctly from my lit class back in the day, wasn’t the nickname for Frances supposed to be Fanny?”

“Just as smart as the books say.”

Darcy snorted.

“That’s Bucky, a total nerd.”

Francie rolled her eyes and began pulling Bucky out of the room by the hand she’d never relinquished. He looked back over his shoulder at Darcy, but she merely shrugged and hung up her coat. It wasn’t until she heard the back door close that she realized where her sister was taking him.

The tree house.

Darcy hadn’t been home much since high school and since Francie was the youngest, her parents wouldn’t have had much worry about fixing it up or changing anything. And Darcy remembered exactly how they’d decorated their tree house: floor-to-ceiling posters and memorabilia of one James Buchanan Barnes.

By the time she got her coat back on and made it to the tree house, Darcy was out of breath and far too late. James stood across the room examining the far wall; the one with the life-size cutout of himself that may or may not have had multiple lipstick kiss prints across his face. At her panting he turned and shot her a delighted grin.

“I know you said you studied me in school, sweetheart, but this is taking it to a level I wasn’t expecting.”

“Shut up.”

Darcy moved to the wall to her left and sat down with a scowl to catch her breath. The secret was out at this point; there wasn’t much use fighting. Didn’t mean she had to like it.

Bucky sure did, though.

“I’m just wondering where you wrote ‘Darcy Anne Barnes’ and doodled little hearts.”

Francie clapped her hands and rushed to another corner of the tree house.

“Oh, that’s over here.”

“Don’t you dare!” Darcy yelled as she lurched forward to a kneeling position.

But her little sister was already pulling out their secret box and handing papers over to Bucky with alacrity.

“Kill me.” Darcy moaned as she covered her face with her hands and sank back to the floor.

Francie merely laughed and Darcy could hear the sound of more rustling papers.

“I think this almost makes up for all the times you’ve introduced me as man candy or your Destroyer Care Bear.”

Darcy dropped her hands and glared at him.

“You would.”

Francie lets out a squeal and holds up a notebook that seems ominously familiar to Darcy.

“Oh, look. I think I just found some of your earliest fanfiction, Darcy!”

Shit.

She covered her face with her hands again and started hitting her head against the wall behind her. Repeatedly.

“Seriously, a meteor, a tornado, even Dr. Doom. I’ll take anything, just kill me.”

Bucky snickered as he read: he must have reached a thoroughly ridiculous section.

“How old were you when you wrote this?”

She shrugged her shoulders and spoke still hiding her face.

“Ugh, like fifteen?”

He snickered again.

“Well, now I know you’ve always had a thing for my ‘delicious’ thighs and ‘mesmerizing’ eyes.”

Darcy groaned.

This was never going away.


	5. My Eyes Are Just a Little Sweaty Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 5- First time one cries in front of the other

At the sound of a sniff, Darcy turned from where she’d been depositing her most recent set of movie snacks on the coffee table and examined Bucky.

“Are you crying right now?”

He sent her a glare and she swore she could feel him shutting in on himself. It wasn’t an obvious physical reaction, but his eyes got more thousand-yard-starey despite their current redness. She resisted the urge facepalm and took a more direct approach by climbing into his lap.

“No, no, no.” She pressed both hands to either side of his face and used a thumb to wipe away a small trace of tears he’d missed. “Do not shut down because I pulled a Tony!”

He was still far too stiff and starey on top of glarey.

She sighed and rested her forehead against his.

“I mean, I’m all about men openly expressing their emotions,” she paused, leaned back to look at him, and shrugged. “I just didn’t expect you to have such emotions over The Goonies.”

He continued to glare but was more annoyed now than hurt, so she gave him a small kiss before she cuddled into his chest and buried her face in his neck.

“You know me and my big fat mouth running off before I think. I’m sorry.”

He sighed and wrapped his arms around her loosely.

“S’okay.”

“I didn’t just accidentally make fun of you for finding some deep parallel between yourself and any of the characters did I?”

“Well…” he trailed off and let out another sniff.

“Aw crap,” she burrowed in more but then he chuckled. Jackass.

She pinched his side and he flinched; she silently congratulated herself on hitting his one sensitive spot on the first try. He responded by pulling her tighter into his arms.

“It’s fine. I was always a crier at happy endings.”

Darcy moved to sit up and he loosened his hold. She stared at him to check for any signs of lying. Sure the guy was trained to hide signs of all emotions, but she was still pretty good at detecting bullshit face-to-face.

“Really?”

He nodded once and gave her a rueful grin.

“Ask Stevie about the first time we watched Snow White.”

She grinned brought a hand back up to his cheek, rubbing her thumb across his cheekbone.

“You blubber?”

“Like a baby.”


	6. A Lady Doesn't Kiss and Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 6- First time running into someone’s ex

On the way to look at the feminist photography display in the Brooklyn Museum (and going to that had been a fun negotiation with Bucky), Darcy got distracted by another exhibit about some local artist named Connie something-or-other. She wandered through glancing at various paintings that were beyond her own Art History 101 interpretations until the video interview playing in the corner caught her attention.

 She turned in time to watch some octogenarian in an eccentric ensemble (it was a surprisingly loud outfit for it being all black) on the screen dramatically press a hand to her chest and wipe away what had to be the most crocodile of all tears from her face.

“Oh, yes, Bucky Barnes was my first and only love. So much of my work is inspired by the deep and passionate bond we shared. He had gone off to war so valiantly, so purely, so heroically; only to never be able to fulfill on his promises to me. I was never able to recover from the loss of his light in my life and it deeply impacted my work.”

Darcy heard a choking sound beside her and noticed Bucky standing there.

“Uh, that true, Buckster? Or should I call you something else that rhymes with that?”

His fists clenched and his jaw worked for a couple of seconds before he got a response out.

“No!”

Darcy patted his shoulder and stifled a giggle.

“Easy there, it’s not a big deal.”

“But, Darce–”

“I’m not exactly jealous of a woman that probably has dentures older than me.”

He growled and threw his hands up in the air.

“It was never like that!”

The few other people in the exhibit turned to look at them. Time to tame the righteous indignation before they ruined the reputation of one local icon. Darcy stepped closer and wrapped a hand around Bucky’s bicep, running her thumb along the inside.

“Okay, then how was it?”

“We went on a few dates; that was all. It was never that serious.” He violently gestured at the screen. “Has she been lying about us the whole time?”

She made some calming noises and pulled him into a side hug. She understood why he was upset. But it was kind of funny that Bucky was fine with everyone calling him a murderer or worse but one little old lady impugning his honor was what set him off.

Darcy snorted and Bucky glanced down at her brows drawn together.

“Why are you laughing? This isn’t funny.”

Time for diversion tactics. With any luck he was worked up enough to not notice.

She gently turned him away from the screen. 

“Are you honestly trying to tell me you were dating a woman like that,” she pointed at life-size poster of the gorgeous woman on another wall, “and didn’t try to storm her stronghold?”

Bucky arched a brow; a sign he was softening but still wanted to sulk. Superheroes: such babies. But her distraction plan was working.

“Really, a war-based innuendo?”

Darcy tilted her head from side to side and grabbed one of his hands to lead him out of the room.

“I know, it wasn’t my best, but I wasn’t able to come up with something about rations quick enough.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“I know.” She squeezed his hand with a broad grin on her face. “But you didn’t answer my question.”

He coughed and she raised her brows at him expectantly. He loved making her squirm and she delighted in their role reversal. Payback was a bitch. One apparently named Connie Something-or-Other.

“Yes.” He sighed and hitched his mouth up into a half smile. “I might have stamped her ration book a couple of times.”

Darcy raised her free hand to fist pump.

“Called it.”


	7. Ready, Set, GO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 7- First time playing Mario Kart

“You seriously just blue shelled me?” Darcy screamed.

Bucky snorted and grinned unrepentantly. She stared at him incredulous as she waited for her player to be reset by the turtle dude on the cloud. Now she was down to one balloon.

That bastard was gonna pay.

Bucky seemed unaware of his imminent death as he glanced over and grinned even more.

“Oh, was that bad?”

Their friendly tournament had started out good-natured and with offers of flirty technique corrections on her part. But Bucky had taken to the game without any issues. In fact, he was winning just as many games as Darcy. 

It hadn’t taken long before things turned vicious.

Steve had come into the room about five games in, curious as to what was causing so much raucous shouting and swearing off the battlefield. Noob didn’t understand and probably never would.

Teaching Steve how to play any video games had been entertaining at first as the man got a bit more enthusiastic than expected; but that enthusiasm came at a price. Turned out excited Steve was less capable of finesse and restraint. Darcy still mourned the controllers she’d lost to Truth and Justice: aka his meaty fists.

As soon as Darcy got back into the race, Bucky decided to strategically place bananas through the shortcut on Koopa Troopa Beach. She chose to abuse her first-player privileges and paused the game to grab a pillow and chuck it at Bucky’s head. The tool had the nerve to dodge what he had rightfully coming.

“Easy there Darcy, it’s just a game.”

She shot a glare at Steve.

He’d killed two of her controllers and was now pretending like he wouldn’t have been as upset in the same situation? Bullshit. She stuck her tongue out a the hypercritically competitive jerk and pressed play.

“I’ll show you ‘just a game’, ass wipe.”

Darcy proceeded to mutter under her breath; her commentary became an increasingly rude and explicit detailing of just what she thought of Bucky at that moment. She figured that since Steve was snickering on the other couch with each new curse and epithet, Bucky must be able to hear her with his own enhanced hearing.

It didn’t matter though. She was going to back it all up. Bucky might have been good, but he wasn’t Darcy Lewis good.

“Suck it, BITCHES!”

She stood and dropped the controller to take a victory lap around the apartment not much unlike her character on the screen.

When she made it back to the couches, Steve had gone back to his tablet but still continued to snicker occasionally and murmur her more creative insults to himself.

Bucky just grinned up at her while tapping his controller against his knee.

“Best thirteen out of twenty-five?”

Darcy grabbed her controller and plopped back onto the couch.

“Bring it, loser.”


	8. Though I Don't Know Just What I'm Asking it For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 8- First fight/argument

The elevator came to a stop at the communal floor but Tony remained engrossed in his tablet when the doors opened. Jarvis was used to the inventor’s attention being diverted and held the elevator open and at that floor as was customary. His programming had him prompt Tony only after a full ten-minutes of distracted commuting.

But Tony only stood there for about two minutes, making random changes to the schematics he’d pulled up, when he realized he heard raised voices coming from the kitchen.

“Jarvis, what’s going on in there?”

“I believe Ms. Lewis and Sergeant Barnes are discussing discussing–.”

“Discussing? That’s what we’re calling it?”

Darcy’s voice got even louder and Tony was able to make out what she was yelling.

“I just don’t get how you thought it was acceptable let alone not a violation of a sacred tradition.”

He snickered to himself picturing the petite woman making her usual expressive angry gestures that seemed to increase her mass to impossible proportions.

“Dammit, Darce. It’s not a big deal!”

Tony tsked and shook his head. Even he knew that wasn’t a good approach.

Barnes was not a smart man.

In case Jarvis suddenly thought that Tony shouldn’t be involved, Tony shot his hand out to make sure the doors of the elevator didn’t close. Things were about to get good. But he wasn’t sure if it was entirely safe for him to walk in there (he’d learned his lesson after trying to interrupt Nat and Clint that one time), so he didn’t exit his metal haven. Tony totally wasn’t above listening in without anyone but his AI the wiser, however, and poked his head out to hear better.

“Not a big deal?  _Not a big deal_? You accidentally ripping my favorite sweater from college in two, that wasn’t a big deal. You forgetting dates because you’re sparring with the team, not a big deal. But this?! This is a  _big deal_!”

“Really? This is where you want to draw your line in the sand?”

“Oh, you bet your ass I’m going down with this ship, buddy.”

The two got quiet and Tony found himself half out of the elevator straining to hear more. He almost lost his grip on the slick metal doors when a cupboard suddenly slammed and startled him. He saved himself from face-planting in his very nice, but not suddenly-in-contact-with-skin-friendly carpet, barely.

“Jarvis, do I really want to know what this is about? And should I worry about the damage costs that will result?”

“I don’t believe I can effectively explain the situation, sir; however, your presence might alleviate the tension.”

Tony snorted.

“Now there is something I never expected you to say.”

“I’m as surprised as you are, sir. “

“You’re joking about me being helpful, right?”

“Indeed not, sir.”

“Well, hell.” Tony muttered before he straightened and preened. “Might as well give it the old college try. There’s always a first time for everything.”

He made his way to the kitchen while calculating just how much scotch he was likely to need after this encounter.

Working through his own emotions required a vast amount of scotch. He could only fathom how much would be necessary for helping with other people’s. No one ever said Tony would make a good Dr. Phil.

But when he walked into the kitchen he spotted Darcy glaring into the fridge and Bucky standing over in the other corner glowering at a can of Pepsi in his metal hand. It seemed like all kinds of odd and Tony had no idea what he was about to get into but Jarvis seemed to think it was the time for some of his unique and thoroughly impressive heroics.

He tucked his tablet firmly under his arm and clapped his hands to gain the required attention.

“All right, my Ugly Duckling, what seems to be the problem?”

Darcy slammed the refrigerator door shut and directed her glare at him.

“Just who are you calling ugly duckling?”

“Well, technically neither and both of you.”

She practically growled.

“Ooh, sexy.”

“Stark, I am not in the mood for this.”

He hummed and clasped his hands together.

“Fine, allow me to share with the class. Ducky as a couple name is too predictable. So, you my dear Science! minion are the Duckling, for obvious reasons. And this mook over here,” he gestured grandly to the former assassin who had directed his impressive glower at Tony, “is, for even more obvious reasons, the Ugly.”

This time she snorted and shifted her angry look to Bucky.

“No arguments with you on the latter part.”

Tony walked over to the island, set his tablet down, and leaned forward on his elbows.

“Interesting, and what may I ask has brought about this lover’s spat?”

Bucky rolled his eyes when Darcy took a deep breath. Tony held in a cackle and prepared for story time. Angry Darcy was always fun.

“Someone decided to drink my Diet Coke while I was gone this weekend.”

“Gasp!” Tony clutched a hand to his chest. “Not the sacred Diet Coke.“

He might mock her addiction, but the genius had certainly learned early on not to come between the former assistant and her aspartame fix.

Darcy ignored his interjection and continued on.  

“ _Someone_ drank my  _entire_ stash of Diet Coke in the three days that I was gone in the name of Science!. And then  _SOMEONE_ replaced all of my Diet Coke with the sacrilege that is Diet Pepsi as if I wouldn’t notice.”

Darcy had stared at Bucky the whole time she spoke and Bucky returned her glare, eye squint for eye squint. When she was done he gestured with his hands just as expressively as she might, though with less movement.

“And  _someone_ doesn’t get why the hell you think this is such a damn big deal!”

Tony just hoped the other man didn’t forget the can of soda still clutched in his bionic hand. If he squeezed too hard, it wouldn’t be an easy clean up.

“How many times have I told you?! Pepsi can never be an equal or viable substitute! Coke has been scientifically formulated to taste better longer and at warmer temperatures, thereby making it the best soda period. Back me up here, Tony.”

The man in question looked at her bemusedly.

“While I appreciate the official Science! terms you’re throwing around, I’m not sure where you’re getting your evidence from.”

Darcy waved a hand at him as she groaned.

“Ugh, you’re no help!”

Tony felt like he was still missing a couple pieces to this crazy puzzle.

“Why don’t you just get more Diet Coke? I’m sure you could have had some delivered by the time you’d finished explaining it to me.”

Darcy threw up her hands and shook them in the air.

“It’s the principle of the matter!”

She didn’t think he could fix the situation with money.  

Tony realized he wasn’t going to find those missing pieces and scoffed. Like he’d always known; the girl was weirder than people gave her credit for. And he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing.

Clearly nonplussed with his lack of support, Darcy dropped her hands and headed to the door.

“You know what, forget you. I’m done with you heathens.”

She paused to once again glare angrily at Bucky.

“Especially those that swill the nectar of the gods and try to replace it with an impostor.”

With a parting huff she flounced out and made her way to the elevator.

Both men stared at the doorway she’d just gone through; one resignedly sighing, and the other affronted at her lack of faith in his financial problem-solving prowess.

“I knew she was crazy; anyone who willfully goes against me in a prank war is crazy, but this is a whole new level.”

Bucky grunted as he cracked open a can of the offensive Pepsi he still held and chugged it. When done, he smashed the can down on the counter with his metal hand, effectively flattening it, a scowl on his face.

Tony winced for his counter.

“Cheer up their, Buckeroo. It really isn’t that big a deal.”

Bucky glanced up for a moment before his shoulders drooped as he scrubbed his face with his hands.

It seemed like he needed a scotch way more than Tony.

“Seriously. All you gotta do is make it up to her.”

Bucky groaned.

“You heard her, buying more won’t cut it.” He dropped his hands and Tony stilled, unaccustomed to the panic he saw in the former ruthless assassin’s face. “I don’t know what to do.”

Judging by the serious grip the other dude now had on the counter (that would probably leave a mark), a joke would possibly be a signature on his own death warrant. So Tony began to catalog his usual sincere appeasements and apologies to Pepper that might work in this situation. 1-Grovelling. 2-Thoughtful and often hand-made gifts. 3–

He paused his train of thought. Shouldn’t Bucky know how to make things up to Darcy by this point? The two’d been dancing around each other for a while before they got to knocking each other’s boots, so the other man should have picked up a trick or two by then. 

A sudden realization made Tony grin.

“Wait, is this your first fight?”

Bucky flinched but his eyes lost a bit of that manic desperation and he snorted.

“Other than combating her insane video game blood lust, yes.”

“Oh, how precious,” Tony cooed.

Another flinch almost made Tony giggle.

“Unless you’ve got actual helpful input, Stark, I don’t want to hear it right now.”

The billionaire figured the threat of death by misplaced anger had faded at that point and resorted to his usual level of support.

“Why don’t you go for the usual?” He began to tick things off on his fingers. “Flowers, chocolates, promises you don’t intend to keep.”

The look he received had Tony estimating that death wasn’t quite off the table; be it his or his counter’s.

But then the thankfully-no-longer-brainwashed-and-trained killer sighed as he rolled his eyes and released the innocent marble counter top from his death grip.

“Screw you, Cogsworth.” 


	9. Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 9- First Holiday
> 
> So….I hit a major block trying to come up with a first holiday together and decided to fudge it a bit and go with the British idea of a holiday and send them on vacation. Hashtag: I do what I want.

Darcy danced around the room throwing clothing, toiletries, and books into an oversized duffel while singing to herself.

“Holiday. Doo doo doo doo doo doo dooo. Celebrate.”

Bucky lounged on the bed, hands behind his head, and enjoyed the view; especially when he saw her throw her newly acquired bikinis in.

Stark magnanimously decided to gift them with an all expense paid trip to one of his private islands and had sent Darcy out with a black card and Pepper’s personal shopper earlier that day. It was actually more of an apology considering the billionaire had let the Ducky cat out of the bag to the media a week earlier. While the team had been prepared for the fallout that was bound to happen, they hadn’t quite expected just how much of a shitstorm it would be. Bucky was fully willing to punch out any more cameramen who tried to get shots up his girl’s skirt but Steve had insisted legal wasn’t willing to handle any more settlements and threatened to suspend Bucky if he didn’t lay low until the media frenzy died down.

“Hand me the sunblock will you?”

Bucky grabbed the large bottle Darcy had gestured to on the nightstand beside him and examined it, then her.

“Uh, Darce, you really going to need all this?”

“Dude. We’re going to be on an island for an entire week. Be glad I’m not bringing two bottles.”

She raised her eyebrows and held out her hands impatiently. He tossed the bottle to her but tilted his head in confusion.

“I just don’t get why you need a family size bottle. It’s not like I’m using any.”

Darcy rolled her eyes and went to grab something else from the closet.

“Because some of us don’t have super-soldier enhancements keeping us from burning or at least healing ridiculously fast. That and I don’t want a repeat of the burn I got on the team’s retreat a couple months ago.”

He chuckled as he peered at her bent-over form remembering the crescent-shaped streaks of red from where her swimsuit had ridden up.

“I liked the burn you got last time.”

She popped her head up for a moment to glare at him.

“Of course you did, it was on my ass.” She turned back to dig around the closet some more and finally let out a triumphant ‘a ha’ and came back with a pair of sandals in hand. “Do you know how painful it was to sit for the first few days after?”

Bucky couldn’t help a snort.

“Somehow your constant whine kept me me pretty tuned in with the pain factor.”

She forcefully zipped her bag closed and faced him once more, hands on her hips.

“I didn’t see you complaining when you got to rub aloe vera in for me.”

He gave her a salacious grin.

“Definitely no complaints on that end.”

He winked, proud of his own pun.

“Dork.” She laughed but then lifted a hand to point at him in what she thought was a menacing manner (he, in fact, found it reminded him of Tinkerbell ever since she’d made him watch Peter Pan). “Now shut it and maybe I’ll let you help me rub in the sunscreen instead.”

Bucky smiled again and crossed one foot over the other as he put his hands back behind his head.

“Ma’am, yes, ma’am.” 


	10. Walk a Mile in My Shoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 10- First Bodyswap

“Shit, shit, shit.”

Darcy grunted at whoever was swearing and rolled over in bed, trying to go back to sleep.

“Darcy, wake up.”

The last bit was said with an emphatic shake to her shoulder but Darcy burrowed deeper into the blankets and realized a few things all at once.

-The voice talking sounded just like hers did on Jane’s audio note recordings.

-Judging by the feel of the mattress, she was on the wrong side of the bed.

-And considering there weren’t any boobs to compress her arms down against, something was terribly, terribly wrong.

She awkwardly flung back the covers and looked at herself. Or what should have been herself but was most decidedly male.

Darcy would’ve remembered if she’d had one of those when she fell asleep.

A glint caught her eye and she looked to her left.

Huh.

Her arm was metal.

No.

Bucky’s arm was metal. Why was she looking at Bucky’s arm from this angle? Why was it turning over just as she imagined it should?

“What the hell?”

Holy hell that wasn’t her voice.

“I was thinking the same thing.”

Holy hell that  _was_ her voice.

Darcy’s gaze shot up and she saw her own face looking back at her from the other side of the bed, appearing as horrified as she felt. She began thinking out loud.

“I’m in Bucky’s body.”

She watched her own head nod back at her.

“Wait. Bucky? Is that you in there?”

Darcy lifted a hand to poke at her own face on someone else but her own hand batted the new hand away. Damn that was confusing.

“Who the hell else were you expecting it to be?”

“Well, seeing as how I’m in an entirely whole new body, you could be anyone or anything else. For all I know, you could be Lucky!”

“Why would Barton’s dog have taken possession of your body?”

“I don’t know! Why did YOU?!”

“It’s not like I did this  _on purpose_.”

Darcy watched Bucky/herself lift a hand and pinch the bridge of her nose in frustration. She never did that. Bucky did that.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Panic started to creep in and Bucky’s ridiculous amount of muscles began to tighten up.

“Breathe before you hurt yourself. Myself. Dammit! Just breathe!”

Darcy let out a strangled curse and began counting as she breathed in and out and pictured happy things like kittens and cupcakes. In, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. In, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. After she finally got everything under control she looked back at Bucky/herself.

Still hella weird; but less jarring.

“Okay. Okay. We don’t know what happened and neither of us wanted this.”

“Who would?”

She ignored him and started talking with her hands as she thought out loud again.

“I don’t remember eating any magic fortune cookies or wishing on a shooting star or any damn Disney cliche to bring this about. So, I repeat,  _what the hell_?”

“If I may interject.”

Both Darcy and Bucky flinched when Jarvis’ voice chimed in.

She assumed that the flail and falling out of the bed on Bucky’s part had something to do with his instincts not computing well with her non-coordinated body. She would have snorted but was busy trying to calm her own heartbeat and breathing all over again. She might not have had mad-skills and reflexes, but Bucky’s muscles ached to do something more than wince and hide under the sheet as she had.

“Dammit, J-man! What have I told you about suddenly interrupting tense or fraught moments?”

“That I should quote ‘introduce myself with dramatic silent-movie-era music and increase the volume until I won’t scare the bejeesus out of anyone,’ end quote.”

The condescending tone reminded Darcy of her freshman English teacher when lecturing the class on Hamlet being more than Mel Gibson. She was about to say as much but Bucky had found his way back onto the bed and cut her off.

“Save it, Darce. What happened, Jarvis?”

“It seems that Sir and Dr. Foster were investigating a piece of recovered tech and there was an unexpected energy release. The resulting wave has switched the consciousnesses of the other members of the tower who were in close proximity with another person.”

That didn’t sound good.

“Is Jane okay?”

“She is perfectly safe, Ms. Lewis. I believe after some initial confusion on Thor’s part and discomfort for Sir, the three were able to discover the problem and the situation for Dr. Foster and Sir has been resolved.”

“So they can fix this?” 

“Indeed. Any others who have been affected have been asked to report to the labs.” 

Relief flooded through Darcy but then she began to focus on something else Jarvis had said.

“Has anyone else been–”

Darcy held up a hand and Bucky stopped talking.

“Wait, wait, wait. Jane and Tony switched and there was confusion and discomfort that followed and included Thor? Are you implying that Thor laid one on Tony while he was in Jane’s body?”

“Darce! Not the time!”

“I need to know! This is vital. Jarvis, please tell me I’m right and that you have audio evidence!”

“I believe that yes, Thor was under the impression he was greeting his beloved in usual fashion after a moment of distress. And as per emergency protocols, all recording devices were engaged.”

“I’m living in one big, zany 60s sex-comedy!”

Darcy began to laugh hysterically. It would have been a cackle coming from her own body, but with Bucky’s it was more a guffaw, which made her laugh even harder. She thoroughly regretted it, however, when she smacked her/Bucky’s thigh with the metal hand; because  _damn_ that still hurt.

After a few whimpers and a couple more snickers Darcy caught her breath and looked over at Bucky. He had arranged her body in what would have been an intimidating posture with his own assortment of muscle mass and enormous limbs. Her own petite frame, however, looked more like an irate pixie and Darcy suddenly understood why Bucky was always smiling when she got irritated.

“You finished yet?”

Another couple of giggles slipped out and then Darcy sat up straight.

“Yep. Good as gold.”

He sighed.

“Let’s just get to the labs and fix this.”

He moved off the bed and put on Darcy’s robe over her pajamas. Yet it still felt like some trippy version of the Truman Show as she saw herself walking out of the bedroom.

Darcy shook her head and attempted to stand up but with all the extra height and weight she nearly toppled over. It was like walking with a leg that had fallen asleep; she could technically control it but not as smoothly or unconsciously as normal.  She figured Bucky must have made it look so easy because he was used to figuring out how to move with oddly functioning limbs; what with a metal arm and a history of getting injured.

She, on the other hand, made it two steps before she began to glance back and forth between Bucky’s wonderfully naked body and the closet, which was a good fifteen feet away.

With her luck she’d probably wind up strangling herself/him trying to put on a t-shirt and who knows what kind of Twilight Zone episode that would throw them into.

Darcy looked around frantically and then fixed her eyes on the bed. With a small nod, she pulled the sheet off, wrapped it around her new body, and shuffled her way out of the bedroom as carefully as she could.

When she got to the living room, she found Bucky in her rubber-ducky-robed body waiting for her at the front door. He might have been able to manipulate her limbs, but he hadn’t quite gotten the facial expressions under control yet. Her face showed far more emotion than he normally would have liked revealing.

“What the hell, Darce! You can’t go out there like that!”

“I can and I will.”

She got the door open after only a couple of mishandles and began shuffling to the elevator.

He tried and stop her by grabbing her/his arm, but Darcy had gotten coordinated enough to use his muscles against her own puny ones and continued on.

“Dammit, I don’t need Stark to have that kind of blackmail.”

She mentally fist pumped when she successfully shrugged her/his massive shoulders without tripping or getting pulled back by Bucky’s continued efforts and hit the call button for the elevator.

“Hey, you’re the one that chooses to sleep naked. I learned my lesson after the 3AM fire alarm last spring. Unless pleasantly occupied, always wear something you won’t have your mother calling about when she sees you on the news the next day.”

The elevator arrived and he muttered as he followed her on. 

After a few more moments of his angry mumbles, Darcy was hit with inspiration. She grinned up at the camera in the elevator before she did Blue Steel stare and struck a couple underwear model poses.

“What the hell are you doing?!”

“Making my birthday present. Jarvis, can you send me this video feed so I can select frames to print later?”

“Certainly, Ms. Lewis.”


	11. Best Served Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 11- First Prank War

After a long day of Science! and mayhem, Darcy grabbed a can of Diet Coke from the fridge and sank into her favorite chair with a groan. She held the cold can to her forehead for a moment before cracking it open and taking a long drink.

It tasted exactly like anchovies.

She hated anchovies.

Darcy choked and spat the offensive liquid all over herself, her chair, and the carpet.

“Bleh!”

She hauled herself out the chair and went back to the kitchen, leaving drips of soda and in her wake. She didn’t even bother trying to clean herself up before she tossed the first can in the sick and grabbed the next can from the fridge to take a drink. Her palette needed cleansing; needed it bad.

It tasted like anchovies too.

The front of the fridge got a Diet Coke shower.

“What the hell?!”

Darcy looked at the can in her hand and found the expiration date which was marked for over a year in the future. Even if it had expired, there was no way it should taste exactly like that hellish fish. She tossed the second can in the sink as well and snagged one of Bucky’s weird energy drinks from the refrigerator; she’d never liked the overly-sweet taste, but it was the first thing she could reach and anything was better than the sea’s equivalent to ear wax. 

After a few sips and a quick gargle of water, Darcy pulled all the other cans out of the fridge and lined them up on the counter to examine them. They all looked legit and every one had the same batch printing on the bottom, including the two in the sink. 

Darcy stared at the cans in front of her and gasped when she remembered the random can she had hidden at the very back of the bottom shelf. She’d decided she always needed to have one set aside for emergencies, like the great Pepsi fiasco or now. Now totally counted as an emergency.

She yanked open the refrigerator door and fell to her knees to scramble through the assorted boxes of forgotten take-out. Her fingers finally closed around the cool cylinder and she cautiously looked at the bottom of the can.

The batch number was different than those on the counter.

“My precious,” she whispered as she stroked the can.

Hesitantly she opened it and took a sip. 

Oh, sweet nectar of the gods!; this one wasn’t contaminated.

Darcy forced herself to not chug the entire can. Instead, she stood and savored each sip as she examined the foul abominations on the counter.

What the hell could have happened? Did the factory have a mishap? Could countless batches of precious Diet Coke have been tainted? Was it up to her to save other poor souls? She had to save them from the same horrible fate!

“Jarvis, where did these cans come from?” she asked pointing to the ones still in a line as though waiting for their rightfully deserved execution.

The AI took a second longer to answer than was normal.

“I do not have access to that information, Ms. Lewis.”

Oh no he didn’t.

Jarvis would say he was unable to obtain that information or just sass her for expecting him to be omniscient (I’m a program, not a god); they were bros like that. But any reference to his inability to ‘access’ information had to do with Tony.

Stark was going to die. 

But getting all the details would be tricky getting around any commands or orders he might have given his AI on the matter.

“Okay, who put this soda in my fridge?”

“I am unable to answer that specific query, Ms. Lewis.”

“Specific… so you aren’t able answer that particular question but maybe another one?”

“It is possible. I am able to answer many questions.”

Darcy almost rolled her eyes at the sass but wanted to keep Jarvis in a cooperating mood, so she resisted. Instead, she chuckled at Tony thinking he could keep Darcy from finding out what exactly had happened.

“Are you able to tell me anything about this specific batch of soda?”

“I am not.”

Hmmm…

“Can you tell me who has been stocking my fridge?”

“Only you and Sergeant Barnes have added anything to it for the last month.”

Bucky was still kind of paranoid about others having access to his food, so she wasn’t surprised at that. 

“Where did he get his last batch of groceries from? And when?”

Jarvis paused again.

“I am unable to answer those questions, Ms. Lewis.”

“Right, so his last addition was the poison that you’re not allowed to talk about.”

It was Bucky who had brought the sin into her home. But it must have come from Stark. Darcy remembered a very firm lecture she’d given Bucky about accepting any foodstuffs or goods from Tony; the short version was DON’T.

So, the real question was whether or not Bucky was in on it.

“Jarvis, can you show me the video feed from an hour before Bucky stocked the fridge?”

“Would you like that on your television, Ms Lewis?”

“Yes, please.”

Darcy went back to the living room and sat on the couch instead of her soda-covered chair. That would be dealt with later; as well as the carpet and the kitchen. Right then she focused on the screen and saw Bucky sparring in the gym with Thor, and while Darcy normally might have taken time to appreciate all the pretty and muscles, she had a mission. She grabbed the remote and fast-forwarded until she saw Bucky leaving the gym and then watched it at double speed. She sat up straight when she saw him get off the elevator at the Science! floor and headed to Stark’s lab. But the feed suddenly cut from Bucky entering Tony’s lab to him leaving it with a box of Diet Coke under one arm, which she already expected to see.

“Jarvis! What happened? Why did the video skip?”

“I am unable to show you that time period.”

Dammit!

“Let me think. Let me think. You really can’t just play that bit?”

“No, I am unable to show you that video.”

“Wait, you said you’re unable to  _show?_ ” Darcy paused. “Jarvis, would you play the audio for me?”

“Certainly, Ms. Lewis.”

Suck it Tony. This wasn’t amateur hour.

Darcy sat back on the couch with a smirk and her eyes narrowed when she heard Tony’s voice.

“Barnesy, just the man I wanted to see.”

“I figured, since you asked me to come down here.”

“Yes, yes. Well, come over here.”

“What do you want, Stark?”

“I wanted to give you this.”

“Why?”

“It’s for Darcy.”

“Obviously. Why?”

“I just thought she’d want some.”

“She has a monthly supply delivered.”

“Yes, but this is  _special_ , just for her.”

There was a pause and then Tony cut back in.

“Now, hold on. She’s the one that wooed my AI away from me. I just wanted to do something  _nice_  for her in return.”

Darcy heard Bucky’s huff that she qualified as a chuckle.

“You’re still worked up over the t-shirts aren’t you?”

“Hell yes, I am! The Science! underlings were wearing them last week. I shouldn’t be exposed to such filth in my own sacred lab-space.”

“You’re the one that was dancing with Reed Richards.”

“First, it was a cardboard cutout; second, it was a joke; and third, she shouldn’t have had access to the feed anyway!”

Bucky didn’t respond and she heard Tony’s sigh.

“No sympathy. Ever. Fine. I’ll work on your new arm schematics before I finish Barton’s trick arrows and you can rub it in his face.” After a pause Tony continued. “And I’ll start working on that new scope you were talking about.”

There wasn’t a verbal answer but Darcy heard the damning slide of a soda box being pulled off a lab table; and that was answer enough.

Bucky had chosen poorly.

Traitor.

“May you soon be shiny and chrome.”

“Whatever, Stark. You better come through on those promises.”

“Seriously, no appreciation. Oh, and Jarvis you are not allowed to give Darcy access to the video feed of any of this interaction or tell her anything about that soda.”

Darcy snorted and the sounds of Tony’s tinkering cut off.

“Will that be all, Ms. Lewis?”

“Not at all, Jarvis. Not at all. Will you ask Clint to meet me at the archery range in ten minutes?”

“Certainly.”

“Oh, and tell him to bring the beer. We’re going to be a while.”

Darcy stood and headed to change.

It was time for war. 


	12. Love Potion Number Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 12- First Time Travel

One minute Darcy stood next to Bucky on the roof as the Scientists Three fiddled with the enormous Einstein-Rosen Bridge doodad thingamabob on a sunny day; the next minute it was just her and Bucky standing in a light drizzle: no Jane, Tony, Bruce, or doodad thingamabob in sight.

“What the hell happened?” Darcy gripped Bucky’s arm and looked around. “Where are we? Where is everyone else?”

“I’d say we’re on the roof of the tower, Darce.”

Of course his sass survived the best in times of stress. 

She dropped his arm and gave him a small shove. He didn’t even have the decency to pretend to be off balance from it. 

“No shit Sherlock. But what the hell happened?”

Darcy pulled out her phone. Praise whatever deity it seemed to be working fine…but showed the time as 10:15 am on the previous day. 

She might actually have to compliment Stark that his tech survived time travel and still worked.

“Are you serious?”

Bucky tensed and began to look around for attack.

“What?”

“Jane punched a freaking hole in space, sending me back in time, and it’s only enough so I can alter my regrettable pizza topping choice yesterday?”

He focused his gaze back on her incredulously.

“We time-traveled and you’re upset that it’s only a day?”

“YES!” She shoved her phone back in her pocket and threw her hands up in the air. “At least another time period would be something to brag about.”

“What; did you want to go back a few hundred years so we’d most likely be killed for witchcraft?”

She huffed and rolled her eyes.

“No, I just–”

Now  _he_  rolled his eyes.

“No, you’d want to go back to when the dinosaurs were around. You’d get eaten, Darce!”

“Shut up.” She pointed at him accusingly. “I maintain that I could totally be a raptor mom. But it’s a moot point anyway.”

Bucky shook his head and ran his hands through his hair with both hands.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Your face is ridiculous,” she responded without thinking.

He just raised a brow at her.

She folded her arms and pouted up at him. 

“Yes, yes, lame comeback, I know. But my social skills revert to that of a teenager in times of X-files-like stress. Deal with it.”

He dropped his hands with with a huffed laugh and began to examine the roof again. He was probably trying to figure out a way to get out of their current situation. Noble and all that, but boring. Not to mention pointless when Jane was guaranteed to save them.

Darcy unfolded her arms and began to tap her hands against her thighs. 

“So…what kind of fun can we have by going back in time approximately twenty-five hours by my clock?”

“Shouldn’t we wait here to see if the scientists can bring us back?”

“They’ll probably need an hour at least to get over their arguing before they figure out just where–well, when we are. And besides, we must take full advantage of the chance that fate has given us.”

Bucky began to prowl around the roof while Darcy began to brainstorm options. Pranking Tony would just be too predictable. She hadn’t had any awkward interactions from the day before that she felt compelled to fix. And going back in time just to tell yourself that you really shouldn’t go for the extra garlic on your pizza just seemed lame.

Then she remembered when she caught Sam scoping out Hill for the millionth time the day before.

Could she?

She excitedly ran over and grabbed Bucky’s arm again.

“I was having lunch with Tony and Bruce yesterday while Jane and Thor were off doing unmentionable things. Where were you?”

“What? Why?”

“I have an alibi. Do you?”

“Darcy I don’t think–”

“I don’t need you to think right now. I need you to tell me where you were at this time yesterday!”

Bucky sighed shrugged his shoulders.

“I was meeting with Hill about some bogus HR stuff.”

She rubbed her hands together.

“Perfect.”

His suspicious expression was back.

“Why?”

She brushed his question aside with a flippant flick of her wrist.

“Were you and Hill in her office?”

He narrowed his eyes at her refusal to answer him but must have figured fighting whatever plan she had wasn’t worth the effort.

“No, she tracked me down in the gym.”

Darcy was tempted to sing a hallelujah chorus.

“This couldn’t have gone better than if I’d planned it!”

Bucky waited for an explanation silently. She wasn’t going to explain just yet. He would just try and shoot her genius idea down and she needed to plan more.

“You’re still able to imitate penmanship really well, right? Like, Sam’s writing especially?”

“Am I going to regret this?”

That was a yes. 

Plan complete.

Darcy resisted a cackle. It would just make Bucky more inclined to refuse to help her.

“Trust me, you’ll thank me. Now come on. We don’t have much time.”

He allowed her to pull him across the roof and through the door to the stairwell.

Just over an hour later they were both back on the rooftop when Jane popped up with a small doodad thingamabob in her hand.

“Oh good, you’re still here.”

Darcy put her hands on her hips.

“Where else would we be Jane?”

The scientist wasn’t fooled.

“Knowing you? Wreaking havoc.”

Darcy gave a smug smile.

“What did you do?”

“Nothing to concern you. Now come on, Doc Brown. I’ve got things to do!”

Jane looked at Darcy for another moment but shrugged and told them to hold on to her. When they’d each rested a hand on her shoulder she flipped a couple of switches and Darcy felt a pull at the base of her spine before she found herself back on the roof with the original group.

“See, Bruce. I told you it was no big deal!”

Judging by the looks Jane and Bruce sent him, Darcy assumed the blame for the unplanned field trip was laid at Tony’s door. And while the ‘everything is Tony’s fault’ game was tons of fun, she only had about an hour to get everything put together. She pulled Bucky down to give him a kiss on the cheek.

“Show time,” she whispered.

“I’m not sure if I want this to fail or not.”

“I’ll find you after and let you congratulate me.”

She gave him a cocky grin and then turned to the rest of the group.

“Great to be back gentleman and Jane, love to chat and talk about how Tony is the reason we can’t have nice things, but I’ve got things to do, people to manipulate.

Darcy ignored the questions called after her and ran across the roof back to the stair access.

“Jarvis, where’s Sam?”

“Mr. Wilson is currently in his apartment.”

Seriously. It was like fate wanted this to happen.

She let out a cackle now that Bucky wasn’t around. 

“Can you bring an elevator to this floor and take me straight there? It’s of the utmost importance.”

“Certainly, Ms. Lewis.”

Darcy ran straight to the elevator, tapped her toes anxiously once inside, and then booked it down the hall to Sam’s apartment once she reached his floor.

Not wanting him to realize something was up, she took a few seconds to catch her breath and forced herself to knock casually and refrain from any further maniacal laughter when he opened the door.

“Hey, Darcy. What’s up?”

“Lunch outside the tower today, it’s happening. And you aren’t allowed to dress like you’re going to or coming from the gym.” She sailed past him and he chuckled as he shut the door. “Now, do I need to dress you, or do you think you can handle it?”

“Well, what am I aiming for?”

“Casual but good enough to qualify as a trophy Avenger for some pap shots.”

He looked at her confused.

“You  know what, I’ll pick.”

She walked into his room and headed straight to the closet. She chose a sky blue button-up that squeezed his muscles just right and dark jeans that she knew made his ass look fantastic. 

He needed to look the part for her plans to really work.

“Do I pass muster?” 

Sam did a mini catwalk strut and the required spin and looked deliciously great if she said so herself.

Her mental self-five was interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Jarvis, who’s at the door?” Sam asked pulling on a leather jacket.

“Ms. Hill, sir.”

“What could she want?”

Darcy smirked.

“Whatever she wants, try not to drool too much.”

“I don’t–”

“Nope, I refuse to hear lies.” She turned and headed to the bathroom. “I’m gonna go use your bathroom and you’re going to go answer the door and at least try to be smooth and not the complete dork that you are.”

She shut the bathroom door before she could hear any response that he had. But she only waited as long as she thought it might take for him to reach the living room again until she opened it again.

However, even with her head through the open doorway, she couldn’t hear anything above a murmur of Sam’s and Hill’s voices.

Just as she’d made it halfway across the room to listen better, Sam’s voice came closer and Darcy could finally make out what he was saying.

“I’ll be right back.”

She realized he was coming back and debated on hurrying back to the bathroom and pretending she hadn’t been eavesdropping. Before she could decide, he was in the doorway and the game was up.

Sam strode to where she stood frozen, trying to look tough, but she saw the excitement in his eyes. 

Mission accomplished.

“Darcy, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about why Maria thinks she and I have a lunch date, would you?”

Darcy bounced on the balls of her feet and grinned at him in delight.

“Sam, how could you forget? You left her a note yesterday.”

“I left her a–. You know what, I don’t even want to know.”

She poked him in the ribs.

“You could thank me.”

Sam still managed to look offended despite the huge favor she’d done him.

“First, I didn’t need your help to ask her out.” That was a lie, but she decided not to interrupt if she wanted to get him out the door any time soon. “Second, how’d you know she’d agree?”

“Okay, first, I wasn’t so sure about your capabilities to get a date since you’ve failed to do more than talk shop and awkwardly check her out. It felt like it would take a team mission just to get you to talk to her about more than strategy and armor upgrades.”

He was about to object but closed his mouth when she raised her eyebrows at him.

“Whatever. And second?”

“I totally saw her checking out your ass last week in the gym.”

The excitement was back on his face and he smiled as if he didn’t think he was total hot stuff all the time.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she grabbed his shoulders and turned him around to push him towards the door. “Now it’s your time to show you have more than a fantastic derriere to recommend you.”

She gave said derriere a slap and grinned some more when he shot her a glare.

“Go team!”


	13. I Love it When a Plan Comes Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 14- First Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, I know I skipped Day 13. Maybe one day I'll do it. But for now, here we are.

It only took one unexpected explosion for Darcy to find herself incredibly grateful that Hill forced her into the Stark Industries defensive and security training courses. At the time, Darcy thought it was just to get back at her for capitalizing and promoting the genius idea of Hilson ( aka the Falcon/Hill lunch date that changed destiny); but once the gunfire started, Darcy was inclined to believe it was actually Hill’s way of saying thank you by making sure she could keep herself alive. Well, be  _more likely_  to; Darcy wasn’t about to get cocky when semi-automatics kept ringing out on either side of her.

She’d once told Jane she wasn’t willing to die for six college credits. She’d have to amend that to she wasn’t willing to die for any amount of Tony’s bribes.

It would just figure that after all the explosions she faced on the regular in the lab or the attacks on the tower by various villains of the week, Darcy would die on her way to a Science! conference to present The Scientists Three’s findings.

Things were fine until they stopped for the Science! Wagon for the bajillionth time and Jane insisted they go check out some odd readings she was getting.

 

“It’s our mission, Darcy! We could be saving the world. Like London!”

“Yeah, or we could be risking treason and Gitmo. Like Nevada!”

‘Okay, that was a mistake, But it was only the one time.”

“Once was enough, Jane. 0/10. Would not recommend.”

 

Another explosion went off and Darcy felt the dirt and whatever the hell else it had splattered landing in her hair. Gross.

Time to move.

The main fighting was in the field surrounding the building in front of her and there was no way she was going to make it around without being seen.

It looked like she was going in.

Darcy made sure the coast was clear and did her best army crawl and crouch-dash-crouch behind whatever large vehicles or objects she could find.

Yet another explosion went off and she began to grumble to herself every time she ducked behind anything.

“Come on, Darcy. We need to drive the equipment so I know it isn’t tampered with or damaged.”

Next time, Darcy was insisting they fly and Tony ship all the equipment with freaking armed guards; he could afford it.

“Oh, Darcy, look! Code Red Mountain Dew is back! I haven’t had this since college!”

Next time, Darcy was limiting Jane’s liquid intake; woman had a bladder the size of a walnut.

“These numbers are off the charts for where we are. We should go check it out.”  

Next time, Darcy was going to refuse to leave the car; Jane could enact every bad teen slasher movie if she wanted, but from here on out Darcy was saying _hell no_.

Too bad she hadn’t said that earlier.

She and Jane had pulled off on a side road and wound up at a large, dimly lit warehouse that was either A) abandoned or B) the stronghold of energy-usage conscious bad guys.

It was the latter.

Well, Darcy wasn’t so sure on their environmental efforts, but they sure as hell were bad guys.

Hindsight; 20/20 and all that crap.

They’d parked the car behind a clump of trees and Jane had given rushed instructions before running off with her face practically attached to the screen of some gauge reader thingy. Darcy swore she was only a minute behind but there was no sight of her boss when the first explosion went off and gunfire started up like a heinously intense popcorn popper.

“Janey,” Darcy whispered once she finally ducked inside the warehouse door. “I really hope you’re somewhere inside here and calling Thor or someone so we can get out of here ASAP.”

The room she entered was dark, but there was a light from an open doorway on the other side and Darcy headed towards it. She’d learned that just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it won’t bite you in the ass (that particular lesson came from one of Tony’s experiments he’d forgotten to mention and left lying on the floor). The lit doorway was, therefore, the best option, so she made her way over, making sure not to trip over or run into anything on the way. Who knew what all these bad guys were stocking up on and what it would do if she touched it (especially considering what the heroes she knew held onto; once again, life lessons from Tony).

But before Darcy reached the doorway she heard the unmistakable sound of punches and grunts and a group of men in black tactical gear came through in the violent version of a group hug.

She jumped to the side and prayed there wasn’t anything unsavory to brush up against.

It took a moment, but her eyes adjusted to the dark and she was able to clearly make out four separate men attempting to beat the shit out of each other. Well, three trying to beat up the other one.

The other one happened to be Bucky

What the hell was he doing here?

Any why wasn’t he kicking more ass?

Darcy would’ve thought he could take any number of guys no problem but all three of these goons rivaled Thor for size and seemed to have been equally trained. So much so, that one had gotten a firm grip on Bucky’s right arm, another both of his feet, and the third was trying to figure out how to restrain the metal arm.

Bucky took a pretty vicious hit tot he ribs and grunted.

That was her cue. 

She pulled her Starkified taser out of her pocket and crept forward. She got the goon going for the metal arm before anyone saw her. The thug holding the right arm let go and turned in time to get a taser to the throat. 

Score.

Unfortunately for Bucky, he’d been dropped like a hot potato and had landed hard on the concrete floor. But he’d recovered in enough time to take out the third behemoth and stare at her looking remarkably more angry than when three baddies had been trying to tenderize his kidneys.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Darcy gestured to the two giants unconscious on the ground, courtesy of her.

“Well, it appears that I’m here to rescue the pretty damsel.”

She got a glare for a response as he readjusted his weapons and pulled her down to a crouch next to him in the shadows.

“I’d say I did a pretty good job.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I’m not dealing with this right now.”

When she went to sass him, he lifted a hand and tilted his head intently. It didn’t take Darcy long to figure he was probably listening to the comm he would be wearing as he seemed to be on a real genuine  _mission_ ; not a Science! death fieldtrip. He gave a small nod, grabbed her arm, and began pulling her out of the ware house.

“We need to get out  of here before the whole place blows.”

“Seriously? You’re the ones that’ve been all explosive happy?”

“Talk to Nat.”

They reached the door leading outside and Darcy tried to stop but kept dragging her by the arm.

“Jane–”

“Cap’s got her. Come on.”

They make it out of the warehouse and run to a quinjet  that she could have sworn wasn’t there before. Of course, most of the field had been filled with gunfire and what she now knew were Nat’s incendiary devices; so all in all, she hadn’t exactly been looking too closely for anything resembling a quinjet.

Bucky pulls her aboard and dumps her in a seat; immediately buckling her in and pulling the straps ridiculously tight, repeatedly. Darcy was about to complain when she noted the far-off stare and purposely slow breathing.

She lifted a hand and cupped his cheek.

“Bucky.”

His hands stilled and he blinked a couple times.

“Bucky, I’m okay.”

He glanced at her for a second before looking away angrily.

“This time.” His hands started pulling on the straps again. “You weren’t even supposed to be there.” Yank. “What the hell were you even doing there?” Yank.

She ignored the overly tight harness and tilted her head to gave him a small smile.

“Following Jane, as per usual.”

Bucky sighed and ducked his head.

“I know.”

“Besides,” Darcy dropped her hand to his neck and brought the other one up to squeeze his other shoulder, “I’m trained now. I’m a total badass.”

He snorted and gave one strap a final tug.

“Whatever, badass. We’ll talk about this later. For now, try not to get sick.”

He gave her a swift kiss and then stalked off to the cockpit where Cap must have been.

Darcy looked across the hold and saw Jane strapped in on the other side next to a bored looking Natasha and already asleep Sam Wilson.

The scientist gave her a smug grin.

“Mission accomplished!” 


End file.
